16.5. Mayday

Despite all of the false assumptions mayday doesn't come from May Day (when supposedly something bad happened), it derives from the French "venez m'aider" or "come help me".

For me it will always be a May day when something bad happened. Well it all started with May evening with marvelous white mushroom salad in the terrace, discussing why it is impossible in some countries to launch a Michelin restaurant - because you simply can't get the indigents in proper condition (can't freeze, happy cows, lucky eggs etc etc). Our mutual friend tried to open one in Kazakhstan and he soon found out that the cows weren't happy enough and the transportation was too challenging etc. Somewhere there, in the middle of the carpaccio it started going oh so wrong. We drove to Alex, we walked by his bodyguard with my always packed suitcase. Can`t leave it there, the shiny luck of being a lover.

Hour later I had an idea. There are THE moments where you should have no ideas whatsoever.

"Let's play a game called honesty,"i suggested forgetting that I was 33 not 18. You can do it only if you are 18, and he is not married and no-one has children and..oh so many more and's.

"Why do you get so upset when I mention on you not having children," he asked in just a second without hesitation. That's where I went ballistic. What should I say? That I've tried but haven't succeeded, that I would love to have them with him even though it's the last thing what's gonna happen. And still, here we are again.

We went through everything you can imagine starting from "I can't change anything"up to "love would have been enough". And everything you can and can't imagine in the between.

"Can you just fall in love with me," I turned my back. Only later I remembered how many times he has actually said it.

"I would like to say yes but I am not allowed to."

What's wrong with lying, it's the currency of the world today?? That's when I stormed out. I grabbed my Gucci suitcase, closed the door, quietly, no emotions, politely said good-bye to his bodyguard, sat in my Aston, drove away few blocks and screamed. Screamed for all the illusions that went down the drain, screamed for all the mornings with no morning coffee with him, screamed for all the brilliant little business affairs that had to end. And then I drove, just miles and miles around the empty city.

"Greg," I sent a text message to my best one. "It's over and I'm damn torn".

He called in a second. I told him only partially but it was enough. "You idiot, what do you think he could have said. What do you think men say when you hurricane over them? They block. Now you turn around and you go back. And you just hope you'll be taken back".

You need someone to know better. Someone who is in the same situation that Alex.

"His bodyguard let me in, the start is good," I whispered to Greg over the phone.

Alex was lying in his bed, texting with his iPad next to him. If he would have been browsing his iPad while I was showing the only tantrum we had in a year, not even Mother Mary could have returned me. Besides I'm not a true fan of Mother Mary.

"I went after you but then I knew you'll be back". Later I'd tell about it Greg and he'd get pissed, why should he play god if someone takes miracles a s granted.

"How far did you get?"

He looks amazed, "what does it matter".

It does, I wonder if the bodyguard had seen the whole scene. I don't answer.

"Just send me the text you were sending".

He goes on clicking and my phone beeps. I don't understand what he's trying to say. Riddles, riddles. I understand just that he knew that I couldn't leave him this way and he couldn't leave me. I don't tell him anything about the divine touch.

"Beep", goes my phone again.

"This time it's not me,"Alex shakes his head.

"We'll it's you...And again it's you".

"Well, then your being tapped then. First one for you being tapped, second one for me being tapped. Your battery is low all the time, you get messages twice, your sound is clear, meaning you're being trapped."

I smiled "I don't mind, hope they enjoy as much as I. And honey, can you please bring back my suitcase in the morning".